When your mother passes on,
What happens to you?
I imagine losing my breath
For too many days and years my heart keeps beating when I was sure I would join her soon.
How could I go on when
My true North
My first home
My eternal home
First her womb
then her arms
Cradled me safely
Providing refuge from dangers outside.
Even from dangers within her.
Keeping me warm and fed
Growing under her watch
With her help to become who she never got to be
All she truly was.
How do you do it?
When she never let you walk away without saying goodbye
And even when you slammed doors and
Stomped your feet she still loved and gave
Even when she had no more to give because
You were her baby and the sound of your cries
The idea of your pain
Was too much for her to ignore.
Tell me how do you
Keep going when she won’t answer the phone
When she won’t ever braid your hair or
Tug the hem of your dress and tell you how good she used to look in dresses loke yours.
Her hands won’t dry the unending tears you shed
Tears that keep coming long after the world says they should stop
What are you now
without this woman?
I want to ask everyone I know who moves through this world
Knowing she is not here.
I can’t stop my own tears thinking about being without
Is the sun of my life and
I revolve around her and
No matter how far I spin out in orbit
I know she is here
I am connected
And will always be.
Maybe that is how you do it.
Know that her love
are enough to cross planes
Between this world and that one
Where she still reaches you
Her love unwavering.
And when I’m not sure that this could be so
I just look at my boys who
Think I am the sun
And know for sure that
Wherever I am in this universe
This love will reach them
It will keep their precious hearts going
For many, many days and years
Long after mine has gone to rest.